Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
