highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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