We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
