Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
