you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
