I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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