Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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