I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
