it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
