Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
