He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
