he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
