Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
