So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
