fuck your aforementioned shoe
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
