i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
