I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
