You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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