if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i think i have herpe
just one?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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