I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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