so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he had hair everywhere except his balls
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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