drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I need water and some morals
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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