I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
