Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
