Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
