I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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