Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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