we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
