im holly from the hills drunk
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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