it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
