i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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