The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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