evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
