alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
