my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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