I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
