I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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