omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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