i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
