Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
