He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
