I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
zippers are such a cool invention
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
