i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
