K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
