Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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