Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
