TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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