Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
