sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
