dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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