hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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