just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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