What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
