90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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