Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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