Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
