Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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