Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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