The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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