I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ruined the universe
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
