You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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