i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We left an ass print on the piano.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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