do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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