I feel great
I just peed on a car
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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