Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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