i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
two words: eviction party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
