just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
